FF8 Fairytale from the Realm of Evil Parodies
by Jennifer Kinneas
Summary: I'm trying to include all the main characters by the end, and a few nonies. I like anonymous guys... *drool* Anyhoo! **Chapter 2 added**
1. My legs get sore when I hop a lot!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy, Glad, or Fuzzy Lumpkin. I do not intend to break any copyright laws and am making no profit from this story. The songs is a parody of Little Peter Cottontail, or whatever it is, so sing loud and proud! __

Little Bunny FuFu

Hoppin' through the forest

Picking on the chicken-wuss 

An eye patch on her head

"You will torment me no longer!" Chicken-wuss cried. He was just about to kill him self with a pointy stick when a chestnut fell from a tree and landed smack on his head. "Ow…"

They stared around in wonder for awhile, then chicken-wuss let out a piercing scream.

"The sky is falling! I have to go tell the king!"

__

Chicken-wuss and FuFu

Hoppin' through the forest

Going to tell the king 

That the sky is falling down

On their way, they came across Porno Mag Mountain. While FuFu was beating up Chicken-wuss for staring, up popped Turkey-Irvy. And remember folks, just because they are Turkey-Irvy and Chicken-wuss that does NOT mean they get together.

"Get off a mah property." He shouted, pulling out the long and shiny and ever so faithful - I wonder what you're thinking now- Sadie, also known as Exeter. FuFu disposed of 'her' in one swallow. "You ate mah gun!" Chicken-wuss rolled his eyes, gave Turkey-Irvy a tape and said:

"It's called, 'How to convince yourself you are not a cartoon character.'" If you can tell which one, give yourself a cookie, unless you're on a diet. Celery and carrots will do. No actually, carrots and apples are quite fattening. How about a watermelon, or something… Anyway, speaking of delicious things…

"TURKEY- DELICOUS." FuFu moved in on Turkey-Irvy snarling like all bunnies do, but as she closed in, he gave her a BIG kiss. 

"DELICOUS- VERY!" She used more enthusiasm in this sentence then usual, so…

__

Turkey-Irvy, Chicken-wuss and FuFu

Hopping through the forest

Wondering why they're hopping

It really hurts their legs

"GUN- HEAVY." She threw-up Sadie. Note: Don't ask me how a bunny can store a foot long metal gun in their system. Well, albino bunnies can get up to… big. Like, bigger than a cat and we all known THEY can swallow guns whole!

Turkey-Irvy had collapsed already and Chicken-wuss was just plain hurting. Then they saw a shed and decided to rest there. As they neared they could hear crying. FuFu prepared to eat whoever was in their way. In the shed there was a small boy.

"Why are you crying?" asked the ever caring and just generally all around perfect and drastically good-looking Turkey-Irvy.

"My mom's making me sleep in the shed because I traded our chocobo for jellybeans! The man said they were magic, ya know! And he was so nice, ya kno-o-o-ow!" He began to cry harder remembering his mom's horrible reaction.

With some comforting, the boy, Jin (short for…) decided to let them stay in the shed, at least it was something. Fu Fu enjoyed the fodder and bits of carrots that had been packed together in a bag for the chocobo that lived there previously.

When Jin woke up the next morning, he saw Turkey-Irvy and Chicken-wuss.

"Where's FuFu, ya know?" 

"I think she went out for some breakfast," replied Turkey-Irvy. FuFu hopped out of the house and belched with Jin's mom on her breath.

"…"

"Ewwwww…" squealed Chicken-wuss, then he fainted. But the sweet smell of candy soon awoke him, and it was coming from the… jellybean stock!

So FuFu, Chicken-wuss, Turkey-Irvy, and Jin began to make their way up the jellybean stock. Slowly but surely, they made it to the top.

FuFu, being bold and desensitized by fairytales jumped off to the cloud aaaaaand... fell through. 

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…"

"Uh no…" Chicken-wuss said in a voice that clearly meant he couldn't care less. "The bane of my existence is falling and will die… Ah…"

"…eeeeeeeeeeeeeee…"

Jin started to cry.

"…eeeeeeeeeeeeeee…"

"Nooo…" Turkey-Irvy yelled. "I was just beginning to warm her up too."

"…eeeeeeeeeeeeeee…"

"Oh well…" he added. "She was a big…"

"…eeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

"She stopped…" Jin sniffed. "Is she…?"

"…eeeeeeeeeeeeeee…"

"Oh, never mind, ya know! She just lost her breath! Um, is that getting louder, ya know?"

__

Little Bunny FuFu

Bouncing off Jin's trampoline

Looking like a meteor

Streaking through the clouds

Surprisingly, FuFu didn't come back down. She had landed on the doorstep of a castle, a huge, floating castle, which was now viewable to them as she had blasted a hole in the clouds.

Imagine an adorable albino bunny peeking over a ledge above you, tiny little cheeks twitching.

Now imagine that bunny spitting on you and pushing rocks onto your head.

With a leap from Jin and some help for Chicken-wuss and Turkey-Irvy-, as we know that turkeys and chickens are not that tall- everybody was up at the castle. When they got there, they could no longer see FuFu, but a FuFu shaped print in the doorway. FuFu was very impatient with large doors, but could easily smash through them, like all albino bunnies.

Turkey-Irvy and Chicken-wuss approached the door cautiously. When they got inside, they began to creep along the hallways, following the footprints FuFu had made in the hay that padded the floor. As you know, giants are very clumsy, and are constantly falling down. That is why they should never ever attempt to climb bean stocks. 

When they came to the main door they heard a huge bellowing laugh, and the sounds of something wet being ripped apart… like teeth on meat… Gasp!

****

Is FuFu being eaten? And will the bitch finally die? Find out in the next exciting episode of… this thing. 


	2. Chicken-wuss Saves the Day

****

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, or Glad. I don't intend to break laws… blah blah, and I don't make any money… blah blah. If you like this story send money to Glad. I mean, those things are so damn cheap, it's a wonder they make any profit!

****

Last time with… this thing… Irvy-Turkey, Chicken-wuss and FuFu entered the giant's castle. FuFu went ahead and is now in the same room with the giants! And what are those strange sounds? Is she being eaten? And will the rest make it out alive? Stay tuned!

"Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a albino bun bun." A gigantic voice roared.

The voice was not angry. The voice was not scary. The voice was in fact, warm and happy, because the owner could again see his bunny friend. 

Jin, Chicken-wuss, and Turkey-Irvy were let in, and met the two giant… TEDDY BEARS! The rest of the night was spent laughing and eating, and explaining that FuFu was an old friend of the giant's. Yes, the giants. There was actually two, Ward and Kiros. Jin also happened to know him.

After a long talk about the falling of the sky- as it was quite a danger for the giant's -and then happier issues like Jin and his jelly bean stock, they decided to go to bed.

Ward giant agreed to take them to the King's Castle the next morning and Chicken-wuss cried several times about something or the other. Because… he does.

When everyone was quite full, they… waited for Irvy-Turkey to get out of the bathroom.

"Maybe it's that time of the month, ya know?" Jin suggested.

"NEGATIVE. TURKEY-IRVY-MALE."

"Sooooo…?" 

Everyone in the room stared at him silently.

"What, ya know?"

"…"

"Ward-giant means that only girls have that."

"But my mom always talks about my dad's period!" Jin protested in confusion. (Someone finally has the same problem as Lee! Yay!)

"DID." FuFu, um, said. She tilted her head back and began to drool remembering the savory taste of Jin's mother, but then she had to pee… and Turkey-Irvy was still in the bathroom!

"We have another bathroom," mumbled Kiros-giant as he was very tired and annoyed, "Follow me."

So then, they went to bed and had dreams of wonderful things such as-

__

"Mommy!" screamed Chicken-wuss. He slept in Ward's bed, on top of him so he would not get squashed. And then-

"Seifer!" FuFu yelled in her sleep, naughty FuFu. And then-

Jin snored.

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! THEN EVERYONE DREAMPT OF WONDERFUL THINGS- SILENTLY!

"…"

__

Alrighty… so they went on with their wonderful dreams, until a knock awoke them early in the morning.

At the door was…

__

La dunk, la dunk. (My Grade 5 teacher says your heart makes that noise.)

A SALESMAN! NOOOOOOOOOO! NO GOD! NOT THE VACUUMS! NOT THE VACUUMS! 

__

Little Bunny FuFu

Hoppin' to the door and

Picking up the salesman

Biting off his head

But then there was someone else at the door. _La dunk. La dunk. _It was… the witch of the… hungry! 

"My husband is hungry! My people are hungry! My legs are sore from shimmying up the bean stock! MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA! MUA-HA! MUA-HA!"

With that, the Evil Edea-witch of the Hungry picked up FuFu and put her in a Glad snap-shut cauldron. FuFu got mad because of the Glad and Jin was sad that Fu was mad. (Just experimenting.) Because the cauldron was well, Glad, FuFu could not get out. Soon Edea had captured Jin and Turkey-Irvy (yes, he finally came out of the bathroom) and of course, she then laughed evilly.

Edea had intended to slip away with out the giant's noticing her, but… she didn't. Ward giant, who was a light sleeper, came running out.

"Confound it! You don't have me yet!" With that she threw a Glad slip wrap over Ward giant, and then Kiros giant when he came out. "Now I shall boil you for my husband!"

Well now they were hopeless! Edea witch had captured everyone in the house, or had she…? 

Chicken-wuss was still alone in the bedroom, and Edea witch did not know he was there. He would fight using the element of the surprise! He would prevail! He would make it! He would be a hero! He… would run around in hopeless circles crying finding out he was all alone in the big scary bedroom.

You can do it Chicken-wuss! You will fight using the element of surprise! You will pre- stop that! 

Chicken-wuss stopped as the incredible sense of doom left him, for he knew there were more important things. When he looked out and realized what was happening, the 'incredible sense of doom' came back, and he again ran in circles crying.

No, Chicken-wuss! You must do it! You will save your friends! That's right! Run Chicken-wuss! You're making it!

Approaching Edea, Chicken-wuss showed no fear. Because he was always in the kitchen with his ma, he knew exactly how to work Glad containers. Taking a flying leap through the air, he… missed the tab that opens the container…

Oh, then he came back and hit it! WOO-HOO!

"Why Edea? Why?" Kiros asked, tilting his head. "Don't you remember making love in the green grass, behind the stadium with you… my brown-eyed-"

"No! However… we did spit on people from the top of the mall… Oh, I fell in love with you, but then Laguna came into the picture… Oh, you were always with him! I feared you would leave me, so I turned you into a freak so I would hurt you before you hurt me!"

"I'm not even-"

"Shut up!" screamed Edea before Kiros could protest. She then whispered: "Psst… you're ruining my big scene. You DO have something for Laguna."

"No I don't."

"…"

By now Little Bunny FuFu was extremely annoyed. She ripped free of Ward and chased Edea all the way down the bean stock, and far, far away…

"Well now she's gone… and it's all thanks to…"

This was the proudest moment in Chicken-wuss' life. 

"…FuFu…"

But of course Turkey-Irvy, who cares about everyone because he is soooo perfect, pointed out that Chicken-wuss was the real hero, and Edea would have eaten Fujin. They would all be dead.

So Chicken-wuss was the hero for once.

**__**

BOOM!

"…"

I'm the author and I say: **_BOOM!_**

"…"

Oh fine…

**__**

BOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!! 

"Oh my god!"

****

What's that sound? Why won't they listen to me? Is it because I'm not a part of Squaresoft? And where is FuFu? No… really. I need her for the next chapter. FUFU! 


	3. Nothing significant happens!

****

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy… or Glad. 

Sorry my stories and chapters are coming slow. Cold is bad. Fingers no likey. I can't even write. THE COMPUTER SAVES THE DAY! But, my middle finger and ring finger are still okay! I will survive! Thanx for the reviews. You may compliment. You may flame. BUT YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM SEEING MY FOONBABAH! 

::Wayne's world theme plays faintly:: He will be mine. Oh yes, he will be mine.

Anyhoo…

MY DOG IS SNORING REEEEEEALLY LOUD! 

Anyhoo…

****

Last time on… uh, whatever… Um… Chicken-wuss saved the day with his knowledge of Glad products! But then… BOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!! **And where is FuFu? Find out… now…**

__

Little Bunny FuFu

Hopping to the bean stock

Going to the castle

BECAUSE I NEED HER! YAY!

But when FuFu reached the castle the others were no were to be found… She slid down the bean stock and searched but found no one.

FuFu was crushed. No one cared about her… just because of her violent nature and thirst for the blood of abusive mothers. She was about to cry, but then she saw a woman hitting her little boy.

**__**

GULP!

Little Bunny FuFu

Hopping in a circle

Licking blood off her lips

As she gives the boy a ride

Meanwhile Turkey-Irvy strayed from the group. He had to get FuFu. She was a woman… sort of! She needed him!

"Where is Turkey-Moron going?" Chicken-wuss asked to the rest of the group.

"Dunno." Kiros giant said as stumbled on… "All I know is we won't have to make any more rest stops!"

"OH YEAH, BABY!" 

***

Nearby danger lurked. It was… Little Red Rinny Hood!

The wolf's mother had told him to watch out for her, and stay on the trail. Then he realized the woman was crazy. There was no freakin' trail! He had soon become lost.

Seeing a young girl standing in a clearing, he saw the opportunity for directions (something male wolves can ask for, proving my theory that they are superior). He looked at her a bit before approaching her. His mom had always told him never to talk to strangers, but he was already lost. What did he have to loose?

Unless it was Little Red Rinny Hood! But she had black hair, not the golden curls he could she tumbling from her hood.

"Excuse me, do you know the way to grandma's house?"

"…" She turned around, and flipped back her hood. And to the wolf's horror, the golden wig came with it. 

***

Not far off FuFu heard the scream of a wolf. She had to do something! So she began to laugh insanely. Sure, let them die. Wolves killed bunnies! It wasn't her problem.

But then her angel came in… Crap… 

Fuu angel:: You have to save him! You can't let him die because he is different then you!

Fuu devil:: Are you nuts? He kills bunnies just like you!

She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to do!

Fuu devil:: That screaming is starting to make me angry!

Fuu angel:: STOP IT WITH THE M*****F***ING SCREAMING!

"…"

FuFu charged into the forest. _Thumpity… Thumpity… Thumpity… Thumpity…_

Meanwhile Irvy-Turkey scrambled into the forest from the other side…_Scrapity… Scrapity… Scrapity… Scrapity…_

__

Thumpity… Thumpity… Thumpity… Scrapity… Scrapity… Scrapity…

Thumpity… Thumpity… Thumpity… Scrapity… Scrapity… Scrapity…

"Let's play, 'Count the Authors Obsessions'" 

SHUT UP TURKEY-IRVY!

__

Thumpity… Scrapity… BUMP! Heeheeheeheehee!

Little Bunny FuFu stumbled back quietly, as Turkey-Irvy spun in slow circles.

"You ran past him!" He yelled at her.

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"You!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the wolf who ironically, was right beside them.

"ACTION?"

"I don't know!" Turkey-Irvy yelled. "You're supposed to be the powerful one!"

FuFu knew she had to think, but it was so hard! What could she possibly do? The one assaulting the wolf was powerful. She knew that. The strength of her perfume could kill any albino bunny that was just a few feet closer then she was now.

Still, she had to do something! Turkey-Irvy wouldn't be able to do anything. He was too… Turkey-Irvyish… Or, at least that's what she thought. For at that very moment Turkey-Irvy cried out:

"Wait a tic! That's a lady attacker!"

So, Turkey-Irvy worked his powers and soon he had the dreaded Little Red Rinny Hood… in the place he liked women the most.

Of course, it wasn't something FuFu was particularly enjoying. How was she supposed to deal with the wolf, and why did she never get laid?

FuFu tipped back carefully and stuck her nose in the air. The toxic perfume still stung her nostrils, but she had to get just one scent of the wolf. Unfortunately…

She did. She gacked and spit at the earth slowly. Even if she was a ferocious man-eating albino bunny, she didn't deserve this god-awful torture. Wolves and albino bunnies shouldn't be forced to get along, but she couldn't go off without Turkey-Irvy again!

"PUBERTY WOLF." She mocked. A wave of terrifying memories of her brother's puberty hit her. Yableck! (Thank god I have two sisters!)

"That's not fair!" Puberty wolf… I mean, the lone wolf squeaked, I mean… protested. Um, maybe I'll just skip this scene…

***

Meanwhile, Chicken-wuss and the giants advanced quickly. Though Ward and Kiros missed FuFu, it was like her to run-off. However, no one had any desire to see Turkey-Irvy again. Explanation: they're males.

It was tough for Ward and Kiros to never see their beloved FuFu. They had raised her for such a long time, but she had always ran around on them. No explanations, and so little appreciation. 

Now, at the time FuFu would have liked to return to her family, but Turkey-Irvy and Little Red Rinny Hood were taking awhile. She simply had to bear waiting along with Pub-I mean-… Ah, what the heck! Let's call him Puberty Wolf! Well, anyway. FuFu wasn't quite sure she _could _bear staying in this forest any longer.

"PLAN- NEEDED."

"…whatever."

****

I just can't get anywhere with characters like this… I guess I'll just go for awhile.

FuFu: D'oh! 

****


End file.
